Military Spouse Appreciation Day

Military Spouse Appreciation Day.  The notion is nice, and I can appreciate the gesture, but as a "military spouse," I see this as an unnecessary proclamation of a day for a few reasons. Before I begin, I understand that this may come across as offensive and people may not agree with my opinion on this, but I'm not looking to sway outlooks or try and make you agree with me. I'm just putting my perspective out there.

For those of you who are unaware, today, May 10, is Military Spouse Appreciation Day. The dedication of a day to military spouses began back in the 80's when President Reagan was still in office and the tradition has continued since with the day being the Friday before Mother's Day.

I became a military spouse on July 9, 2011 when I married a man who was (and currently is) enlisted Air Force. 

I was thrust into a world of instability, frequent separation, spitballing emotions, and overall difficulty. I do not deny that being married to a service member is hard. It is one of the hardest things I've ever had to manage and trying to maintain a life of normality in a world that isn't so normal is difficult. However, the whirlwind of a life we live does not grant us the necessity of a day dedicated to our appreciation, in my opinion. 

I look at it like this.

I am not enlisted, I did not sign up. I am not in any kind of "silent ranks," as some like to say, and my husband's rank does not reflect on me, whatsoever. I don't wear the uniform to work every day, I didn't sign my life away to the government, or sign my name to a check that may warrant the ultimate price. All I did was fall in love with a man who did, and like any spouse, I love and support him, regardless of his occupation. I wouldn't love him any less if he were to be a garbage man, a police officer, or a politician. And, regardless of vocation, I would go to the end of the earth for him if need be. I am not doing anything out of the ordinary and I feel that I do what every other spouse does. The only difference is that my husband serves, but I should not be put on a pedestal because of his nametape. I should not be appreciated any more than the wives and husbands of firefighters, of police officers, of federal agents, of those with terminal illnesses, of single parents, or of any one who goes above and beyond normality, yet remains to stay grounded.

In addition to this, I should not be only appreciated on one day because the president points out that I do more and put up with more than the typical spouse does. When I first got here as a new spouse, in all honesty, I had very little support. Minus some very close friends and my immediate family, not many checked in on me to see how I was adjusting to a completely new life in every aspect, how I was doing with my husband deployed, and I had little to no support from his unit minus a family or two until three weeks before he got back. Sadly, this trend still continues and during the times where James has left for extended amounts of time, the calls do not come. I have more support than I did in my early days because I have a few friends, now, who are more supportive and understanding than I could have asked for, but those friends are fellow military wives or significant others. Outside of this community, I'm rarely appreciated, and when I am, it is still by immediate family or a minimal amount of strangers. 

I don't mean for this to be a pity party or a "woe is me" kind of thing. My point is this. People do not appreciate me just as a normal person. Never mind the fact that I'm married to someone in the military. Shouldn't the fact that I moved across (literally, across and to the polar opposite of my home) the country to a place where I knew no one but my husband and a couple people grant some kind of appreciation? Never mind that my husband deployed, think of it as he just left for work for an extended period of time, as many citizens do now for the economy. Shouldn't the fact that I established a life here, on my own and alone, and managed to endure a rough time, warrant some kind of praise? And the fact that I do this frequently? My husband doesn't have to be in the Air Force or any other branch to do this. There are so many others out there who deal with this kind of thing who aren't related to the military. I should not be appreciated more, and just for one day, at that, because I get the extension of military recognition when my only affiliation to this isn't even my own. I am not any better than a woman who is dealt this same hand and who's husband does not serve in the way mine does. I am not any better than any other spouse who loves and supports their significant other. 

This does not go to say that we should not be appreciated, though. Of course we should. Every spouse should be acknowledged and loved and given thanks. Any person who deals with adversity or hardship and has triumphed and endured should be appreciated. And that does mean the wives I know, the spouses out there, because we do deal with a whole lot more than most people do. We do sacrifice a great deal. We should be appreciated and recognized on more than one day, and honestly, the only appreciation that should truly matter is that from our own spouses. It's nice to hear it come from others who recognize the great amount we deal with, hence why the notion of Military Spouse Appreciation Day is nice and I appreciate the thought, but there shouldn't have to be a day to make people notice us or what we do. This all should go without saying, and for more than just those related to the military.